rants
Saturday, March 03, 2007
im easily agitated, hyperactive, blunt, ugly, lousy in maths, lousy in chemistry, lousy in physics, always hungry, critical, cunning, boring, spendthrift, loudmouth, talkative, lazy, irritating, full of pride.
but at the same time, i think i am able to tolerate hardship, speak up against unjust, listen, plan every action i take, cheerful.
is it that hard to be around me that everyone has to ignore me? im sick and tired of being ignored. even when we're walking down the corridor, i'll ALWAYS be the one trying to catch up with them and pretend that i have a partner instead of being pathetically alone. i used to not bother, but you know what? i don't want to appear unpopular, even though i am.
i know its partly me, im totally boring. we won't have anth to talk about. there'll be silence.
but are they called friends when they stick on like glue only at-the-moment, and ignore you for the rest of the time?
all the friends i have now are only beside me, with me, for-and-at-the-moment only. who's there when i truly need people? yes, only me. when i am fun to be with, everybody will give me their attention. i enjoy that, even if its only for a short period of time. their attention gives me confidence, and the impression that people care about me. but all that positive thinking is only to make myself feel better. When i pull a long face, and had a bad day, they will all avoid me, because i cant possibly be fun when im bin chao chao. Are these people my friends? i really don't know. i love them, but they don't love me.
sure, they love my entertainment. but do they love ME for me? the ugly, boring, critical, loudmouth side of me? but at the end of the day, even with so much talk on friendship, all i have will be me. its kind of a normality , since its 16 years of loneliness already.
and to the friend who i don't dare to console because we aren't "friends enough"...i understand what you're going through because i had that kind of family tension too. i just pray you won't have my luck.
please cheer up.
♥ i wrote about my beautiful day at 2:34 AM!
long winded essays xD
2005
2006
2007
2008
