rants
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
why do i have to keep getting insulted by you? you're my friend, and i love you, but sometimes, it gets to the point where your jokes are no longer funny but instead hurting. why do you have to treat me this way? i have known you for four years, yet you treat others better than me. you even gang up with them against me to insult me together! i've never expected you to console me when i cry, because i know you're not that type (that's what i know of you, at least), but the least you could do is to stick out for me like how i believe i have. what i want, is just for you to at least make me feel more like a friend, than an acquaintence.
honestly, i feel that the first two years when we were together, separated from the rest were the best times of our friendship. now, its like, im always fighting to keep you with me, and i don't even know what im doing is correct. should i just let go of this friendship? but im cynical. she already has a best friend, and you won't be able to join them will you? well, im eating sour grapes now, but who knows.
all this is safe for me to say here, because i know, you'll only read and tag on her blog but not mine. i miss your tags.
secondly, i know im irresponsible, and frequently forget to bring my stuff. i understand that what you lend me such as foolscap, pencil lead cost money, but you forget: when you were afraid of her, i went to find her with you; when you forgot to clip your nails, i went home to take it even though i brought all the stuff i need already; when it was raining, i gave you my umbrella and ran home instead. but the last incident really hurt me. you did not even show appreciation, and even said that it doesn't matter for me to get wet since i have to bathe. fyi, i gave the umbrella to you because you were my friend, i did not think"since i want to bathe later on, might as well give her my umbrella and let her think im nice". THE LEAST, i wanted, the very least, was not to be praised for being "kind", but to be thanked, to be appreciated.
is thank you that hard to say?
i've never liked tension among my friends, so i've always kept everything inside me till i cannot bear it. when i was in primary school, i let off my anger by beating people, and even did it for fun. but now, i've grown up, and learnt not to hurt others physically and emotionally, im now being hurt by people instead. have i become too sensitive and touchy for my own good, or issit that history has caught up with me? i just hope that in the future, i will be able to find someone who will love me as much as i do.
♥ i wrote about my beautiful day at 8:18 PM!
long winded essays xD
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