rants
Monday, August 14, 2006
should i change?
this is a question i constantly ask myself.
sometimes, i too, get sick of my pretence.
but this act has gone on for so long, i no longer know what i want.
and, it is difficult afterall, to change
and for people to adapt to my change.
of course, people don't change overnight.
but, circumstances has changed me alot.
people see me as immature;
i changed on the inside, but it is not shown
a certain friend says that im mature;
but thts only because he does not "exist" in my daily life.
am i mature? but i don't want to be.
i don't like being mature at all.
i just want to be carefree for my whole life,
but practically speaking,
who can?
there are just so many strings attached to real life,
to relationships with friends and my family,
and to my real self.
i don't know what to do,
but i surely would not be suicidal, don't worry lol
suicide is the dumbest way to resolve matters, as i;ve learnt from drama serials.
p.s im so disappointed with a certain someone.you shld know.you knew my secret, but you actually said that.did you know how hurt i was?although it may appear to be an offhand remark to you,it made a big impact as to how i shld see you.i did not join this thing for him.it was for myself, and you all.if you wanted so much to go over to the other timeslot, go ahead.i won't tag along.im broadening my circle of friends, because i know, i cant always be with you all.time will separate us.fate will too.i won't let go,and im not loosening my grip.im just not gonna tag along anymore.
♥ i wrote about my beautiful day at 8:41 PM!
long winded essays xD
2005
2006
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