rants
Saturday, October 29, 2005
looking at my past diaries and childhood stuff, made me realised how much i have changed. how i wish i could turn back time; live in the small but comfy hse,share a queen sized bed with the whole family, taking turns to swat the mosquitoes at night, playing with the lantern along the long stairways and looking up at the moon; all are but memories. i really miss washing my dads scooter at the big yard outside the hse; and driving it. i really miss picking "xiang si dou" from the ground and putting them inside the huge jars with glee, anticipating the dae they will be full...
but
...all memories are but part of the past. all have changed. i really hate this grown-up me. why am i so...why do i keep doing the wrong things over and over again? y cant my memory be better? i really want to change. i wanna stay naive and ignorant; i want to ask "10 wan ge wei she me" again.
i feel that im such a failure. all my "friendships" are passing partnerships. once the contract's over, they will move on to other clients. i wan a best friend; not a huge bunch of ppl where there's so much rivalry for steph's attention. yes, im not afraid to admit it. she's the most popular amongst us. after 2 years, i have not managed to secure a solid and firm friendship with other ppl. even as playing maple, valerie had 2 gors; i didn't even haff one. m i really that detestable? the only time when i gets attention is when i cry, or has a breathing difficulty.
apply to be my best friend?
♥ i wrote about my beautiful day at 11:55 AM!
long winded essays xD
2005
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